Are Secrets Allowed In Relationships?

Should I tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may? Is telling a lie much more convenient than not telling it at all? Or maybe I should just keep quiet. Many people are caught up in these situations and they never really get it right. Trust me; it is always easier to tell a lie, but it is much better, to tell the truth. It is rarely a good idea to keep secrets. From reasons ranging from, ‘I did not want to hurt you,’ to ‘I did not know what to say,’ many people have tried to explain themselves to their partners for not telling them what they should have. This begs the question; should there be secrets in relationships?

Primarily, it will depend on the kind of secrets. Some secrets are purely meant for surprises. This cannot be said to be a wrong kind of secret because the end of it is a good thing for the person who does not know it. Take an example of a man who is secretly planning to buy his wife a car. This has no harm because, at the end of the day, the secret is meant to be unveiled. This is a good kind of a secret because it has a positive advantage and it is intended to be made known after a short while. For this sort of secret, it is allowed.

On the other hand, there are those secrets that a person never wants to be known. These are secrets that when known, can ruin a person let alone a relationship. It is important that we understand the reasons why someone would keep such kind of a secret. The reasons are:

To protect themselves: When information that can damage the reputation of a person is known to their partner, their mental image will change. Their attitude, as well as responses to them, will also change. Therefore, one will try to conceal this information to protect themselves from all these adverse effects. This is simply selfishness and self-centeredness. This means that the relationship is already dysfunctional.

They lack trust in their partner’s ability to forgive them: A healthy relationship is primarily built on trust. When someone feels there is a need to hide things from their partners, it simply means that there is a lack of trust. They probably fear that their partners will not forgive them for what they have done.

Judging from the above reasons for keeping secrets, it is evident that deeper issues lie beneath the inability to say things.  The only way to resolve these problems is to learn to say what needs to be said. To deal with selfishness, you have to learn to put your partner’s feelings first. Choose to consider them first. To address trust issues, you just have to take a chance and believe in your partner instead of your mind.

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